


can we try? (i can love you)

by ikonisch (discordinparadise)



Series: irl double b aus [1]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Or not, happy birthday bob!, happy bunny day :'), it does get deep at points though, lots of fluff, some angst but it's not much, they're just so cute and i can't deal with it, this just embodies all of my irl double b feels, you know me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-21 10:48:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17042309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discordinparadise/pseuds/ikonisch
Summary: Jiwon was unaware of most things when he felt soft lips kiss his ear and whisper 'happy birthday, hyung'. He was unaware of time, of the date, of his surroundings, of the darn country he was in, of the fact that he even existed but he was aware of Hanbin and that was the most important thing.





	can we try? (i can love you)

Jiwon was unaware of most things when he felt soft lips kiss his ear and whisper 'happy birthday, hyung'. He was unaware of time, of the date, of his surroundings, of the darn _country_ he was in, of the fact that he even existed but he _was_ aware of Hanbin and that was the most important thing. He slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes as he muttered words that made sense in his head but not when they came out of his mouth and the first thing he saw was a fizzling purple candle sat atop of a beautiful cupcake. Jiwon smiled so big that it almost hurt.

"This for me?" Jiwon slurred almost intelligibly, his eyes only half open but he could _sense_ the way Hanbin was nodding, setting the cupcake on the bedside table, gently lifting the blanket and inviting himself in, rolling over so he was pressed up right against Jiwon and they both stared into each other's eyes, with Jiwon getting more awake by the second. Hanbin looked more beautiful than Jiwon ever wanted him to look with his messed up hair and glowing, bare, angel-kissed face and Jiwon felt something inside him swell as he gently rested a hand against Hanbin's hip.

He was weak for Hanbin. Really weak.

"You're so old," Hanbin teased, resting his hands on either side of Jiwon's face and Jiwon pouted, closing his eyes as he flopped his head back onto the pillow.

"Not _that_ old...I'm still...the king of youth..."

Hanbin nodded amusedly, patting Jiwon's face gently and Jiwon realised that his hands felt so soft and warm, even though it was really cold right now. It made his body slowly recharge, leaning into Hanbin's space as he wrapped his arms around the younger's waist and tucked his head under his chin, feeling an urge to be all childish and clingy even though he was supposed to have aged a year. But he knew that Hanbin would always let him do stuff like that and a dreamy smile spread across his face when Hanbin kissed his forehead, snuggling into Jiwon just as much as Jiwon was into him.

"The others are gonna come storming in here soon, I bet you. I managed to come without waking Yunhyeong up but knowing him, he probably set an alarm."

"Because they love me," Jiwon murmured gleefully, raising his head to grin at Hanbin who laughed quietly and nodded.

"They do, we do. I love you the _most._ "

"Okay," Jiwon mumbled without fighting back, dropping his head back onto Hanbin's chest and he heard Hanbin make a pleased sort of noise.

"I love how cuddly you are when you're sleepy. Why can't you be like this all the time?"

"Because you're a pervert," Jiwon grumbled and Hanbin let out a sharp scoff. "And because when I'm sleepy, I'm too weak to fight off my affectionate side..."

"So your affectionate side wants me?" Hanbin asked, gently, amusedly, a mixture of things and Jiwon didn't know how to answer at first. Not until Hanbin was lifting his jaw and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, making Jiwon's eyes flutter shut as he nodded slowly.

"Maybe."

Hanbin beamed so happily, beautifully, and Jiwon leant forwards to try and get to the younger's lips but then there was a loud screech of "JIWON-HYUUUUUNG" and Hanbin yelped, instantly rolling off of the bed before running out of the room in the weirdest way Jiwon had ever seen anything run. He was like a human chicken. A chiman? A hucken.

Though right before Hanbin left, he whisper-yelled, "Happy birthday, hyung!", throwing Jiwon a kiss before rushing out of the room to meet up with the others. Jiwon fought his smile and cheesy urges but lost, raising a hand to catch the kiss so he could hold it tight in his fist.

"Thank you, doll."

~~~

Jiwon and Hanbin hadn't been dating for a long time and it was still all so new, with it being Hanbin's first relationship, the first time Jiwon had dated in ages - _and_ the fact that they were keeping it secret. That changed everything.

After a tiring while of having the others coddle him in wishes, cheers, and birthday punches (23 times 6 was a massive number, he felt _sore_ ), Jiwon had shooed them away so he could relax in his room since he had barely managed to get any sleep, his torso hanging off of the bed as he listened to music through his earphones with his eyes closed and head upside down. He remembered trying to ask Hanbin to stay with him, taking hold of his hand before he left and when Hanbin looked at him with his intensely beautiful eyes in anticipation, Jiwon just couldn't say what he wanted to. _I love you, keep me company_ were his thoughts but his mouth said, "See you later."

Hanbin had still grinned at him, so brightly. "Is this the kind of special treatment I get now? An individual farewell?"

"I guess so," Jiwon muttered a little shyly and Hanbin looked behind them to check that the coast was clear before he curled an arm around Jiwon's neck and leant up, clearly trying to kiss Jiwon but their noses bumped, making Hanbin frown in disappointment at himself. Jiwon smiled gently at him, though, murmuring, "It's okay," before he tilted his own head so he could get to Hanbin's lips smoothly, their noses still brushing. Hanbin hummed excitedly, pressing up close to Jiwon without realising and the elder grinned against him before he pulled away, resting his forehead against Hanbin's.

Even if Jiwon was a coward, Hanbin wasn't and that made everything ninety percent easier.

"I'm going to go work for a while," Hanbin said quietly and Jiwon nodded, kissing the younger's cheek.

"Have fun."

Hanbin smiled, leaning forward to give Jiwon some form of a hug before he was leaving with a bounce in his step, stars and benevolence trailing in his wake. Jiwon watched him go, filled with gentle regret until he only sighed and slinked back into his room, ready to immerse himself in music and nothingness so he could forget about sweet kisses and pretty smiles and soft boyfriends.

He was scrolling through the birthday wishes he was getting on social media, laughing so much that his stomach started hurting because honest to God, their fans were _hilarious._ He didn't know how much time was passing but he skipped through so many things, through twitter and instagram to texts with his brother to looking through his photos, initially having wanted to take a selfie but then he got distracted by the photo in the corner of the screen. It was one that Hanbin had sent him the night before, and Jiwon really really loved it to pieces. It hadn't meant to be intimate but Jiwon couldn't help it as he wrapped his arms around Hanbin's neck, leaning in close and Hanbin had been surprised at first before he melted, placing a hand at Jiwon's waist, staring into the other's sparkling eyes with a soft smile easing onto his lips, the phone in his other hand.

The picture was shaky, blurry, and beautiful.

Hanbin was beautiful.

Jiwon didn't deserve him.

They had started dating in maybe the most nerve-wracking way possible. There was a fight involved, for sure, and Jiwon knew that he was in the wrong but it was simply for the sake of pride that he kept battling back.

"You can't go."

"Hanbin-"

"That's an _order,_ hyung."

"What the- you're not my fucking boss or a king, Hanbin!" Jiwon yelled, scrunching his hands up into fists while Hanbin just stood there, arms crossed, face set. Jiwon _hated_ how composed he looked, he wanted him to get angry just like Jiwon was. "I don't need to take orders from you, I'm a grown man, you don't-"

"I don't control you? Of course I don't. But I'm your leader, I care for the wellbeing of our group and if I have to get you from a random house or passed out on a street somewhere while we have a schedule then iKON's going to fall, just because of you, tell me if you want that."

"God, it's...it's not that deep, why are you-"

"Just stay inside, please. You don't need to get with a girl or get wasted, you don't _need_ those things, right? Not right now," Hanbin said, a tiny bit softer than before as he tried to rest a hand on Jiwon's arm but the elder jerked away from him, making Hanbin pause and retract his hand slowly. "You understand what I'm saying."

"I'm _mature,_ Hanbin," Jiwon said, a snarl in his voice that was maybe too hostile for the circumstances. "I'm a big boy, I know how to handle myself. I'll come back by morning."

"I said no."

"Then fuck you," Jiwon growled, walking away and grabbing his coat from the sofa, shrugging it on but before he could get too far, he was being pinned to a wall and the breath got knocked out of him, his eyes not even able to meet Hanbin's because God, the guy was so _close_ that Jiwon could feel his breaths, his body, what was happening? "G-Get off me, can you _not-_ "

"Why?" Hanbin asked gently, poignancy lacing his voice that had Jiwon calming down a little for a reason beyond him. Hanbin was trying to catch his eye, but Jiwon couldn't look at him even if he tried. "Why tonight? What happened? Why do you want to go?"

"Nothing happened," Jiwon muttered and it was true. Nothing in _particular_ happened. He just wanted to run away like he always did but it had just built up to a point where he couldn't hold it in anymore, he just wanted a _little_ bit of sweet release. The world was turning in a different way than what he wanted it to and it wouldn't stop, it just kept going, chiding him, and Jiwon was _tired._ He felt lonely, even though he wasn't alone. He wanted love, even if that was impossible. He wished Hanbin would stop with his moral code for a second because if Hanbin acted like his friend or a fellow idol and _not_ a leader then he'd understand. He'd understand the emptiness Jiwon felt.

One night was all Jiwon was asking for. Why was something so simple out of his reach?

"I'm scared that if you run away then you won't come back," Hanbin said, and now Jiwon was the one staring and Hanbin was the one looking away, swallowing slightly. "Don't- don't look at me like that. It's a legitimate worry."

"Bin, I'll always come back."

"There's a possibility that you don't know that, hyung."

That shut Jiwon up. How could he answer in confidence when Hanbin was right? Jiwon didn't know anything. He didn't know how this night would turn out if he left or whether he was selfish towards his own desires. He liked to think that he adored his job and his team because he did, he _did_...but he didn't love the man in the mirror. He didn't love the person he was. Maybe one change to that would be enough for him to want to leave forever.

Oh lord, Jiwon was going to be sick.

"I-I just wanna have fun. I'm worn out and love-deprived," Jiwon mumbled, already feeling defeated as his stomach started clenching nauseatingly. But he started going through a very different feeling when Hanbin moved closer, just by a tad since they were already closer than they should have been, taking hold of a messy strand of Jiwon's hair between his thumb and forefinger before twisting it around his fingertips, tugging gently.

"I can love you."

Jiwon blinked, staring at Hanbin in amazement and he didn't think he had heard right even though Hanbin had said the words so clearly, so sweetly. Hanbin's fervent eyes were fizzling with unbridled worry, his expression so open and affectionate despite the light shyness settling there. He was so gorgeous, honestly transcendent and maybe Jiwon's heart set on fire but he was too distracted by Hanbin and the words and how utterly god-like their leader looked.

"You what?"

"I can love you," Hanbin said again and Jiwon's heart skipped a beat, again, "if you'd let me. I don't think you _will_ let me but I want to, if you need it, and even if you don't."

"So what are you saying?" Jiwon asked with a raised eyebrow, gently laying a hand on Hanbin's hip, his fingers brushing against bare skin where his shirt rode up and the younger's eyes blew wide at the action before he coughed, trying to hide any sort of surprise but it wasn't working, Jiwon could see just how flustered the guy was getting. "You'll love me? How?"

"I-I don't know, I just thought it was a nice thing to say..."

"So if I kiss you," Jiwon murmured, stroking Hanbin's cheek gently, slowly with the back of his hand and it was so soft and warm as Hanbin's face started heating up, his lips parting a little in shock, "is that okay?"

"It's your call," Hanbin breathed out, swallowing again and Jiwon softened as he kissed Hanbin's forehead gently, closing his eyes as he felt the younger lean against him and Jiwon was leaning against him too in every way possible; emotional, physical, mental. Then Hanbin was tilting the elder's head up with his slender fingers, making Jiwon blink at him wearily, all of the fire and energy in his bones all settled now. Hanbin could clearly see that too. "Let's just go to sleep."

"Sleep with me," Jiwon said quietly, shy like he was a little kid needing comfort which maybe hit closer to home than he wanted it to, but the best feeling ever (in the moment) was when Hanbin wordlessly took hold of his hand and led him to the elder's room and when they were done getting ready for bed and Hanbin was wrapped up in his arms as well as Jiwon in his, against soft sheets, Jiwon realised how much he had missed this. Once upon a time they had done this more often, back when they were close to being each other's everything along with Jinhwan, and the stress, the pressure, and finding a home in each other when there didn't seem to be anything else.

"Thank you," Jiwon whispered into Hanbin's hair and the younger looked at him.

"For what?"

 _For everything._ "For being such a good leader. For catching me before I left. For, telling me no."

"Hyung..."

"For being with me now. You're so great," Jiwon said, closing his eyes as he squeezed Hanbin tight, to make up for all of the time they'd been apart recently, for all the times their relationship didn't feel secure even though Jiwon wanted it to stay strong forever. He opened his eyes only to see Hanbin's face so close to his, glowing even if the blanket that darkness provided was covering everything, and Jiwon wasn't thinking straight when he closed in to kiss Hanbin's lips, those pretty things that Jiwon had _always_ wondered how they would feel.

They were soft. Plush. Sweet. Everything Jiwon had expected and more.

Hanbin was frozen at the start, eyes wide and he couldn't reciprocate, mostly because he didn't know how to, and it wasn't even a second before Jiwon quickly broke away and rolled to the other side, breathing heavily. "H-Holy shit, Bin, I'm so sorry, please forget that ever happened, please-"

"No, it's okay," Hanbin murmured quickly, his tone so sweet as he sat up a little and rested a hand on Jiwon's back. "Should we date? Do you want to date me? Let's do that! I don't mind. I think it'll be great. You'd be a very nice boyfriend, you give really nice hugs-"

"Stop rambling," Jiwon interrupted, turning all shades of pink as he rolled over to face Hanbin again and he was glad that the darkness was concealing his insatiably ridiculous blushing. "Do you even know what you're saying? Don't do this to me."

"You don't want to date me?"

"Can you stop saying the word 'date' for a second? It's a very serious word."

" _I'm_ serious," Hanbin replied firmly, nodding. "I'm very serious. I know I've got like zero experience but I watch movies, and dramas, and I read books, and I write really _really_ good songs so I could be classified as a secondary expert-"

"But-"

"Let me finish, that kiss was nice. I didn't want to push you away at all. Doesn't that mean something?" Hanbin asked, leaning forward and a small noise left Jiwon's mouth when Hanbin closed all sorts of distances between them, their chests pressed together, legs messily intertwined, and Jiwon was throwing up his heart because Hanbin wasn't letting him keep it.

"I don't, I don't _know_ if that means anything to you, maybe because you haven't dated before so things are different. Do you know what I mean? What you think your feelings are might be different to what they _actually_ are..."

"I think I like you, though," Hanbin mumbled in a small voice. Like a young schoolboy with a crush. "I already love you to pieces. You know that. Can we try?"

Jiwon bit his lip, his emotions all up in the air as he wondered what to say. Only two answers were available, yes or no, and one seemed so _appealing_ while the other seemed somewhat ethical. But when he felt Hanbin's hand gently stroking up and down his back, smelt the dizzying sent of Hanbin's perfume or lotion or cologne or whatever it was, he could only nod, muttering a small, "Yes," before smiling tiredly at the little squeal Hanbin made before he slapped a hand over his own mouth.

"Really?"

"Really..."

"And, if you wake up and you don't want this anymore then that's okay too," Hanbin whispered and Jiwon shook his head, closing his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Hanbin once more.

"Don't say stuff like that, please, let's just sleep."

"Okay," Hanbin agreed, pulling back to rest his head next to Jiwon's on the pillow, staring at Jiwon's calm, pretty face. "I love you."

Jiwon was scared. He was scared that this might ruin things, that if they were to break up, it would tear apart the whole group which was the thing Jiwon was always terrified of in _any_ circumstance. Maybe one of them would leave YG and Jiwon couldn't _bear_ to stay that far away from Hanbin because not talking to each other because of distance and hurt feelings was very different to not talking to each other simply because Hanbin was working or Jiwon didn't think about going to him. He was scared that it would tear him and Hanbin themselves apart, that things would get weird and what they'd built up between them for so, _so_ long would fall to pieces.

But then morning came (well, it was only about three am but still morning) and Hanbin was still in his arms, snoring softly with dried up drool just at the corner of his mouth and his fluffy hair tickling Jiwon's face, and he looked so real and adorable and _beautiful_ and Jiwon still wanted him. He still wanted this. He marked his decision by pecking Hanbin's lips, smiling brightly when the younger slowly blinked open his eyes, squinting at Jiwon and wondering what on earth was going on.

"I love you too," Jiwon said, casting his eyes downwards shyly and Hanbin furrowed his eyebrows in groggy confusion. "I forgot to say that last night."

"That's nice," Hanbin slurred, smiling sleepily as he moved his head more into Jiwon's space and the elder grinned, muttering, "Yeah, it is," as he cuddled into Hanbin and let them both fall asleep again.

As present Jiwon flicked through his photos, his smile growing bigger every second, maybe he was scared but he couldn't help but think that Hanbin was worth it. They hadn't been dating long but it already felt like one of the best experiences the world could offer and if Jiwon was already in love, then so be it. Hanbin was their leader and he'd protect them with his life, and Jiwon had never been more touched that Hanbin found him, this, the _relationship_ passable to go along with his plans and be part of his hectic life. Jiwon trusted him.

He knew things were going to turn out okay.

~~~

Japan was always a place that Jiwon appreciated going to. It was third on his list of countries that felt like home, simply because he had been there so much by this point, and the hotels were really nice. There was a concert the next day which Jiwon was more than hyped for and Japanese fans were so sweet, Jiwon could envision himself telling them off for wishing him happy birthday a day late because they obviously would. The impromptu birthday party that the others threw for him later in the day was the most under-budgeted, messy thing in the world but Jiwon didn't think he had ever laughed so hard and Hanbin went and bought tons of food in the end with his music royalty money and Jiwon had poked him in the side, saying a teasing, "We can all count on you, rich dude," but his smile dropped when Hanbin whispered in his ear, "Rich dude or your sugar daddy?"

Jiwon was scarred.

"Is that a _cloud?"_ Junhoe asked from where he was lying on his back, pointing up at the ceiling lights while clearly drunk. Chanwoo was next to him, squinting at the lights before he gasped and hit Junhoe's arm repeatedly.

"No, no it's _sun._ "

"Sun?"

"Light coming from it, it _sun._ "

"Sun..." Junhoe said in wonder, slapping both of his hands onto his cheeks in amazement and Chanwoo giggled at him, hiccupping.

"W-Why are you _hitting_ yourself-"

"I will hit _you,_ " Junhoe grumbled, slowly swiping his hand to the left as Chanwoo rolled to the side even slower and even if he hadn't, Junhoe still would have missed and Chanwoo was all giggly again as Junhoe lost his balance and rolled over onto his stomach with a low yelp. A very weird sound.

"You miiiiiiiiiissed!"

"Nooo," Junhoe whined before making a sort of snarling bear noise as he captured Chanwoo in his arms (more like fell on him) and Chanwoo just yowled like a siren for perhaps five minutes straight and no-one even bothered asking him to stop.

"I _love_ you, dude," Junhoe suddenly said, tearing up and Chanwoo sniffed as he patted Junhoe's head, his eyes welling up along with Junhoe's.

"I love you _too._ "

"Dude..."

"Dude."

"Dude!"

_"Dude!"_

"I'm duding you, don't you dude me!"

"But _dude._ "

"Dude..."

"Someone please help them."

"You're only asking that now, hyung?"

Jiwon left the future crime scene to seek out Hanbin, even only to slide his arms around the younger and breathe him in because that would be enough, and he found him and Jinhwan laughing over something under a table, small cheers and grunts of concentration there too. Jiwon raised an eyebrow as he slowly crouched down and peeked his head through, seeing a small plate of food on the floor and Hanbin balancing a skewer on his nose while Jinhwan hyped him up but they turned to the side when Jiwon made an appearance and the skewer fell to the floor. Hurt. Forgotten. Sad times. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Hyung!" Hanbin cheered happily which didn't really answer the question but Jinhwan was there to do that.

"We don't really know."

Well, that wasn't a great answer either.

"Okay, whatever it is you're doing, I'm not going to ask," Jiwon said flippantly as he joined them too, sitting down and pulling at the tablecloth that covered the sight of them while Jinhwan hugged his arm and Hanbin tried to work with the skewer again. "Today was nice, by the way. It's always the best if you guys are there."

"It'll get better over the years, trust me, we'll throw you a huge, actually planned out, _very_ grand party one day," Jinhwan said, sounding incredibly sure of himself and Hanbin nodded fiercely before pouting when the skewer fell all over again. "It pains me to say this but it's what you deserve."

"Aww, you love me, don't you?" Jiwon teased, slinging an arm around Jinhwan's shoulders and squishing his cheek against the elder's, making the latter grimace. "I know you do. You can never deny it. You've never been able to, I can see right through you. You love me sooooo much, you love me more than _anyone-_ "

"Get away from me, you tree sap," Jinhwan grumbled, batting Jiwon's face away but he let the guy get away with a hug when he tried, squeezing him tightly before rolling out from under the table, either like some kind of superspy or a panda. A spy panda. Jiwon waved him goodbye brightly and then, there were only two. And a wooden skewer, and a plate of food- but only two.

"Hi," Jiwon muttered, somewhat suddenly shy as he couldn't quite match Hanbin's gaze but it got far, _far_ easier when Hanbin leant forward, his fingertips curling at the back of Jiwon's neck as he wordlessly pulled the elder into a kiss that had Jiwon's heart sighing and his skin tingling. Hanbin's kisses were always so cute, they were lacking in technique and messy but Hanbin's sheer enthusiasm and the softness of his lips always made Jiwon feel warmed up to the brim, fuzziness filling his soul as he would kiss Hanbin back, doing things like licking the younger's lips or making funny noises because that always made Hanbin laugh. Even if it broke the kiss, it would make Hanbin move in closer to him and maybe bury his head in the crook of Jiwon's neck which were some of the _best_ things. Making their hardworking leader feel happy and loved always got Jiwon feeling like he was on cloud nine.

Hanbin was calmer this time around, though. He didn't press as close as usual and his kiss was more like smooth running water than sweet fizzling energy and _Jiwon_ was the one finding himself searching for more as he crawled forward, wanting nothing but to kiss Hanbin deeper and get completely lost in wonderland. A quiet gasp left his lips when Hanbin's hand trailed downwards before enveloping Jiwon's waist, only to tug the elder into his lap and entwine their bodies more, and the gasp dissolved into a sigh as Hanbin pulled away to press soft kisses to his jaw while gently kneading circles into Jiwon's hips with his lean fingers.

"Hey, birthday boy," Hanbin murmured and Jiwon gulped at the soft, breathy tone, his heart performing palpitations that didn't seem right nor healthy.

"Are you in leader mode?"

"No, I'm in 'give Kim Jiwon as much love as I possibly can' mode. I have many modes."

Jiwon swallowed, saying a weak, "Touché. You wanna see me in my birthday suit _that_ bad?"

Hanbin's eyes widened, lighting up a little. "You have a _birthday suit?_ Oh my God, where? What does it look like? Is it blue, or _pink-_ does it have tassels on the sleeves?! Oh hyung, it _has_ to have tassels on the sleeves, I would never forgive you if-"

"No, Bin, it's...it's not an actual _suit,_ " Jiwon said, both exasperated and soft and completely confused as to how Hanbin didn't know what he meant. But Hanbin only looked at him curiously, and Jiwon shook his head as he kissed the younger again and that seemed to distract him a little. Gosh, Hanbin could seem as dirty-minded and god-like as he wanted to but he was Jiwon's beautiful innocent angel and nothing could change that. "Never mind."

"Look at us," Hanbin whispered, giggling a little and dear lord, Jiwon was so smitten. "Grown men under a table. We're an example to adults _everywhere._ "

"Oh, they'd beg to be us," Jiwon said, grinning as he rubbed his nose against Hanbin's which might be the cutest thing they had ever done and Jiwon was so ready to do it a million more times every chance he got. "We're absolutely great."

"We are great," Hanbin murmured, his features all softening as Jiwon looped his arms around Hanbin's neck, swinging his legs over the younger's waist to get more comfortable and his breath hitched a little when Hanbin's hand pressed into his thigh, rubbing it gently. "The greatest."

"What's going to happen to us?" Jiwon asked wistfully, so eager for answers even though he knew Hanbin didn't have them. "Are we going to be okay? Is it _possible_ for us to be okay?"

"You talking about the idol thing or the gay thing?" Hanbin asked, raising a hand to stroke across Jiwon's cheek and Jiwon shrugged.

"Both. And neither. Just all of it."

"I _want_ us to be okay...relationships are like flowers. Already fragile, and even more fragile if the stem isn't strong enough. People can hurt us or sway us and pick at our petals but we'll stay strong, won't we? Our love is the stem. We may get fractured but we won't go down that easy, I know I won't because I love you so much."

"You're too good at this, I hate you," Jiwon sniffed, deploring the fact that he was getting emotional because he didn't _need_ to but Hanbin's prepossessing eyes looked glassy too and if they were both getting emotional together then maybe it was okay. "This isn't fair, I don't want all the baggage and expectations, I just want to be in love with you while having nothing to be afraid of."

"I'll protect you. I'm good at protecting my team," Hanbin said without an ounce of wavering in confidence, completely serious as he brushed his thumb under Jiwon's eye, gently. His words sounded rehearsed like it was something Hanbin was so used to saying, thinking, and Jiwon guessed that it kinda was. "And I can love you as much as you want me to and I won't let anyone tell me no. But we really don't need to worry about that today, hyung, it's your birthday and I just want you to be happy-"

" _You_ make me happy," Jiwon said before he pulled Hanbin into an embrace, latching his arms tight around the younger as he rested his cheek against his shoulder. Hanbin responded quicker than anyone else would have been able to, holding onto the back of Jiwon's head gently while locking an arm around Jiwon's waist again, making Jiwon feel so safe. "You do, you make me _so_ happy. Please don't leave me."

It was a plea, for all of the times that it seemed like Hanbin liked other people more than him, for when Jiwon would mess up and jeopardise all he had worked for, for when Jiwon was dumb and would push Hanbin away without realising what it meant, for when the world would seem against them (either the relationship or individually or iKON in themselves) and they had to put in triple the effort to make it work.

_Please don't leave me. Please don't leave us. Don't get sick of this. Don't stop loving your job. Don't stop loving me. Please don't walk away..._

"Never, never in the whole wide world would I ever," Hanbin replied, and Jiwon could have cried because it had been a while since he had felt so much relief, even if it was just in the moment and Hanbin might not mean it without even _knowing_ that he didn't mean it but Jiwon really didn't trust anyone else more than he trusted Hanbin. And when Hanbin pulled away to squish Jiwon's cheeks and tug him into a kiss, Jiwon's tears were evaporating as he laughed against Hanbin's lips, those pretty things that Jiwon now _knew_ felt like euphoria and softness and metaphorical candyfloss.

"Happy birthday, hyung," Hanbin murmured, digging his fingers into Jiwon's hips and Jiwon nodded as he pushed Hanbin down onto his back, ready to worship every inch of Hanbin's ethereally gorgeous self even with just tender kisses and sweet whispers, and with the way Hanbin's hands and softly intense gaze were running all over him, he knew the younger was already doing the same.

"Thank you, doll."

 

**Author's Note:**

> just a small shot for the birthday boy!
> 
> i honestly have no idea where this came from but it happened and i'm SO glad that i got it done in time. i know it's not that great, i know that but the emotions in it make me love it even if i couldn't put them across that well? i'm a sappy loser but i'm a sappy loser who tries their beST 'cause writing this has really helped me keep my spirits up since i've been feeling extremely low, hell yeah 
> 
> happy birthday ji! have the best day you possibly can, darling bunny who's not reading this!! 
> 
> and i hope you guys who are reading this have a lovely day and week and month too, i really do


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